In learning about Charlie Sheen’s recent attempts at stand-up comedy, I question whether he’s taking a long-term reprieve from acting and trying to launch a new career as a stand-up comedian. Previously, I had thought that he wanted to be a poet, with his profuse sheenisms…

Per TMZ, in an all-time ticket sales record for Ticketmaster, Charlie Sheen’s “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option Show” LIVE tickets sell out in 18 minutes, promising that $1 from every ticket will be donated to the Red Cross to help victims of the Sendai, Japan earthquake.

According to TMZ, Sheen was planning on adding more cities to his “mini tour” which initially only included Detroit, MI and Chicago, IL for April 2 and 3 respectively! A recent search on TicketNetwork® confirmed that Sheen has added many more cities including Cleveland and Columbus OH, New York, NY, Wallingfor, CT, Boston, MA, Toronto, ON, Atlantic City, NJ, Washington DC, Atlanta, GA, Tampa and Fort Lauderdale, FL, Houston and Dallas, TX, Denver, CO, San Franciso, CA, Vancouver, BC, and Everett, WA!

Amazing!!!

That has got to be a very demanding schedule, Mr Sheen…Sheen has also been known to say that he doesn’t sleep. I bet he’s going to be getting some sleep during his tour or he’ll drop from exhaustion at some point!

On his website Charlie Sheen’s Korner, he has a short video reaching out to his fans in a hammed up performance which asks his followers to buy tickets to his show, saying “this warlock bats 1,000%…trolls need not apply…buy the ticket…” Probably not his shortest performance – but it gets the message across – spend you money to see me perform, you won’t be disappointed!

He also asks that you join him in conversation where various topics/statements are posted, inviting comment. Sheen’s website is also selling merchandise, peddling T-shirts proclaiming, “I’ve got one speed GO!” and  other catchy statements like “WINNING.” Charlie knows the value of the dollar and he does have his  children to think of as well…

Then there’s a panel of photographs from his adoring Facebook fans, who at this counting number  844,605 people! That’s pretty impressive Mr Sheen!

Is Sheen merely cashing in on all his adverse publicity or is he garnering support via stand-up comedy? I guess any publicity is good publicity, as they say. And he’s striking while the iron’s hot! Ssssssss steerike!!!This suspiciously smacks of politics Charlie! What’s next Mr. Sheen – running for office? I’m sure you’ve got a LOT of supporters out there if your record ticket sales time for the first two shows is any  indication. These new shows that you’ve just added to so many US and Canadian cities should be equally popular as well. The tickets for Atlanta are all sold out! I’ve put myself on email alert for additional tickets if they become available. I’ll be keeping you folks posted…

Contact: Viveca Woods – VMW Public Relations

Charlie Sheen has seemingly been everywhere in recent weeks, ranting against the producers of his television show, “Two and a Half Men,” for shutting down production in response to his increasingly bizarre behavior. When Sheen recently filed suit against the show’s producers, he included allegations that he was discriminated against on the basis of an “alleged disability” — i.e., his record of substance-abuse issues and treatment. The federal district court in Maine recently had occasion to address a similar claim that an employee suffered disability discrimination because he was “regarded as”  disabled. Although the Maine case involved a construction worker with a broken ankle near  Bangor rather than a celebrity with substance abuse issues from Hollywood, the court’s decision provides some  useful lessons for employers dealing with employees who have past medical issues.

Terminated worker sues

Randy O’Leary was hired by Infrasource Transmission Services Company (ITSC) to assist in installing an electrical power line from Orrington to Princeton. A couple months into the job, he hurt his lower back at work, resulting in one missed day and a week of light-duty work, which ITSC provided as an accommodation. About a month after returning to ITSC, he experienced another injury at work, this time breaking his ankle after slipping on ice. O’Leary had surgery and was cleared by his doctor to return to work at full duty after he had been out for about 12 weeks. However, he alleged that rather than returning him to work in the field, ITSC assigned him meaningless office work. When he asked to be assigned to construction work, he was allegedly told that he was a “walking accident” and he wasn’t “going any place but right here.” Just five days after returning to work, he was terminated.

O’Leary claimed that when he questioned the termination decision, a supervisor told him it was “unfortunate” that he had to break his ankle and be out of work for so long but that the company no longer needed him. He subsequently filed a  lawsuit, alleging that  ITSC terminated him because it regarded” him as disabled and because he had a “record” of a disability. The court found that he produced enough evidence to present his claim to a jury. Court’s decision The court noted that the purpose of the Americans with Disabilities Act provision that prohibits discrimination based on a record of disability is largely to protect employees who have recovered or are recovering from substantially limiting  impairments based on their medical history. Although ITSC argued that O’Leary wasn’t disabled because his doctor cleared him to return to full duty following his ankle injury, the court  found that the company was prohibited from terminating him because he had sustained a serious injury from which he was fully recovered.

Because O’Leary’s doctor had restricted him from working for three months and his ankle injury was serious enough to require hospitalization, the court held his condition was sufficient to be viewed as a record of a disability. According to the court, the fact that ITSC terminated him within a week after he returned to work could lead a jury to conclude that the termination was based on his record of a disability.

The court also found that there was sufficient evidence to conclude that O’Leary was terminated because he was regarded as disabled. In finding that he could have been regarded as disabled, the court pointed to evidence that an ITSC supervisor expressed skepticism about the length of time he had taken to recover from the broken ankle, that a supervisor described him as a “walking accident,” and that O’Leary perceived he was being followed around after he returned to work.

Analyzing all the evidence O’Leary presented, the court found he “has at least raised a genuine issue of fact as to whether, because he broke his ankle and because his broken ankle took longer to heal” than a supervisor’s ankle, ITSC “regarded him as being an accident prone, spleeny slacker who should not be sent out on certain jobs because he would get hurt and stay out longer than he should.” As a result of the court’s decision, O’Leary will now have an opportunity to present his case to a jury.

Lessons learned

This case reinforces the need to tread very carefully when dealing with employees who have recently returned from medical  leave or who have a history of medical issues. Supervisors’ expressions of concern about the length of a medical leave or an employee’s accident or medical history can feed a claim of discrimination based on a record of disability or a perception that the employee is disabled. And, as in so many cases in which employers get into hot water, this case again reinforces the importance of timing. Terminating the employee within a week of his return from medical leave makes it very difficult to show that the termination wasn’t related to his medical history. Only time will tell what ultimately happens  to both Randy O’Leary’s claim that a Maine employer discriminated against him based on his perceived disability and Charlie Sheen’s claim that his producers discriminated against him on the basis of his “alleged disability.” We’ll keep you posted if there are any noteworthy employment law developments in either of these cases.

PBO – If memory serves, I believe it was two weeks.

CS – Close. Seventeen days to be exact. Are you aware sir, how long it took to begin the investigation into Pearl Harbor?

PBO – I would say again, about….two weeks.

CS – Close again, sir, eleven days to be exact. Are you aware, Mr. President, how long it took to begin the investigation into 9/11?

PBO – I know it must have seemed like a very long time for all the grieving families.

CS – It was a very long time, Mr. President – four hundred and forty days. Roughly 14 months. Does it bother you, Mr. President, that it only took FIVE HOURS after the initial attack for Defense  SecretaryDonald Rumsfeld to recommend and endorse a full scale offensive against Iraq?

PBO – I am not aware of any such purported claim.

CS – I have the proof, Mr. President, along with scores of documents and facts I’d like you to take a look at. Here. (I hand him another file – much thicker than the first)

PBO – I see you came prepared, Charlie.

CS – No other way to show up, Mr. President.  When in doubt, over prepare I always say.

PBO – Now you sound like the First Lady.

CS – That’s quite a compliment, sir.

PBO – As you wish. Please continue.

CS – Sir, I’d like to direct your attention to the stack of documents in the folder I just handed you. The first in from the top is entitled “Operation Northwoods,” a declassified Pentagon plan to stage terror attacks on U.S. soil, to be blamed on Cuba as a pretext for war.

PBO – And I’d like to direct your attention to the fact that the principle draftsman of this improbable blueprint was quickly denied a second term as Joint Chiefs chairman and sent packing to a European NATO garrison. Thank God his otherworldly ambitions never saw the light of day.

CS – I wouldn’t be so certain about that, Mr. President.

PBO – I could easily say the same to you, Charlie.

(The President checks his watch)

CS – The next document reads, “Declassified staged provocations.” Now honestly Mr. President, I wish I was making this stuff up. I’m certain you are familiar with the USS Maine incident, the sinking of the Lusitania, which we all now know brought us into WWI, and of course, the most famous, the Gulf of Tonkin incident.PBO – Of course I am familiar with these historical events and I’m aware that there’s a measure of controversy surrounding them. But to be quite frank with you, this is all ancient history.

CS – Mr. President, it has often been said, “Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it.” And I concede to you, sir, these events are the past.

PBO – A vastly different world, young man, shouldering a radically disparate state of universal affairs.

CS – No argument, sir, I‘m merely inviting you to acknowledge some credibility to the pattern or the theme. Case in point, the next document in your folder. It was published by the think tank, Project for a New American Century, and it’s entitled “Rebuilding America’s Defenses,” and was written by Dick Cheney and Jeb Bush. To quote from the document, sir -(The President interrupts)

PBO – “Further, the process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event – like a new Pearl Harbor.”

CS – Touché, sir. Your thoughts on this statement, Mr. President?

PBO – I would call this a blatant case of misjudgment fueled by an unfortunate milieu of assumption. For some, the uninformed denial of coincidence.

CS – Interesting angle, sir. Nevertheless, Vice President Cheney didn’t stop there. In early 2008, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Seymour Hersh and MSNBC both reported that Cheney had proposed to the Pentagon an outrageous plan to have the U.S. Navy create fake Iranian patrol boats, to be manned by Navy SEALs, who would then stage an attack on U.S. destroyers in the Strait of Hormuz. This event was to be blamed on Iran and used as a pretext for war. Does any of this information worry you, Mr. President?  Should we just ignore it, until these realities can be dismissed years from now by our children and ancient history as well?

PBO – Of course this information worries me, yet it’s not nearly as worrisome as you sitting here today suspiciously implying that9/11 was somehow allowed to happen or even orchestrated from the inside.

CS – Mr. President, I am not suspiciously implying anything. I am merely exposing the documents and asking the questions that nobody in power will even look at or acknowledge. And as I stated earlier, I voted for you; I believed in your message of hope and change. Mr. President, I have come to you  specifically hoping for a change. A change in the fact that our government has not yet made itself open and accountable to the people. These are your words, Mr. President, not mine. The lives of thousands who were brutally cut short and those left behind to suffer in infinite pain are with me today, Mr. President. They are with me in spirit and flesh, and the message we carry will not be silenced anymore by media-fueled mantras insisting how they are supposed to feel. Deciding for them, for 8 long years, what can be thought, what can be said, what can be asked.

PBO – And I appreciate your passion; I appreciate your conviction. In spite of your concerns, in spite of what your data might or might not reveal, what you and the families must understand and accept is that we are doing everything we can to protect you.

CS – Mr. President, I realize we’re very short on time, so please allow me to run down a list of bullet points that might illuminate some reasons why we don’t embrace the warm hug of Federal protection.

PBO – We’ve come this far. Fire away.

CS – Please keep in mind, Mr. President, everything I’m about to say is  documented as fact and part of the public record. The information you are holding in your hands chronicles and verifies each and every point.

PBO – You have five minutes left. The floor is yours. Brief me.

n>? ea??o?or, but let’s be honest. You’re the President of the United States, the leader of the free world, the buck stops with you. 9/11 has been the pretext for the systematic dismantling of our Constitution and Bill of Rights. Your administration is reading from the same playbook that the Bush administration foisted on America through documented secrecy and deception.

PBO – Mr. Sheen, I’m having a difficult time sitting here and listening to you draw distorted parallels between the Bush/Cheney regime and mine.

CS – Mr. President, the parallels are not distorted just because you say they are. Let’s stick to the facts. You promised to abolish the Patriot Act and then voted to re-authorize it. You pledged to end warrantless wiretapping against the American people and now energetically defend it. You decried the practice of rendition and now continue it. You promised over and over again on the campaign trail that you would end the practice of indefinite detention and instead, you have expanded it to permanent detention of “detainees” without trial. This far exceeds the outrages of the former administration. Call me crazy, Mr. President, but is this not your record?

PBO – Mr. Sheen, my staff and I authorized this interview based on your request to discuss 9/11 and deliver some additional information you’re convinced I’d not previously reviewed. Call me crazy, but it appears as though you’ve blindly wandered off topic.

CS – Sir, the examples I just illustrated are a direct result of 9/11.PBO – And I’m telling you that we must move forward, we must endure through these dangerous and politically challenging years ahead.

CS – Mr. President, we cannot move forward with a bottomless warren of unanswered questions surrounding that day and it’s aftermath.

PBO – I read the official report. Every word, every page. Perhaps you should do the same.

CS – I have, sir, and so have thousands of family members of the victims, and guess what? They have the same questions I do and probably a lot more. I didn’t lose a loved one on that horrific day,

Mr. President, and neither did you. But since then, I, along with millions of other Americans, lost something we held true and dear for most of our lives in this great country of ours– we lost our hope.

PBO – And I’d like to believe that I am here to restore that hope. To restore confidence in your leaders, in the system that the voting public chose through a peaceful transfer of power.

Author’s Note:  What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet. This is an open letter to the  President requesting a new investigation.

Download the Declaration of Charlie Sheen

Make no mistake.  He is completely fulfilling his job title of entertainer.  Sane people could not write the absurdities that come out of his mouth if they tried.  He is absolutely ludicrous and I, for one, am loving it.  What I am not loving with such intensity is having a firsthand look at what a brain ravaged by drugs looks like.  I am not loving watching a man utterly disappoint his children.  And I am not loving that simply because society loves a train wreck, Charlie Sheen has gotten more attention than Japan and Libya combined.  It is true that the entertainment media may simply have less to work with than legitimate news sources, but it is shocking how much coverage one man’s ranting is able to garner from networks promising hard-hitting news stories.  Though, it should be noted that on his Twitter, Sheen is calling for his “cadre” to “love (the Japanese) violently.”

However, there is many a silver lining to be found in our Sheen obsession.  Firstly, Sheen is an incredibly effective campaign against drug use.  Even young children who may also occasionally claim to be warlocks can see that this man is straight up mentally ill.  Secondly, there has been an incredible surge of high quality auto tune songs of Sheen’s various interviews.  And finally, I am of the opinion that he could be convinced to do just about anything at this point.  I have compiled a list of things Charlie Sheen might be just crazy enough to do.  Items on this list include speaking at my brother’s high school graduation, temporarily joining a marching band, and writing a book of poetry—wait, scratch that last one, it looks like someone already suggested that to him.

At this point Sheen has more confidence in himself and his abilities than any person I have ever seen, famous or unknown.  I must admit, I would love to be that obliviously sure of my every decision.  Sure, his life is going up in a fiery blaze, but if you asked him, he would assure you that there is a master plan, and if you can’t see it you are a troll.  A man with this level of fearlessness must either be a great man or a foolish one.  In Charlie Sheen’s case I would argue the latter, but that does not mean that he, and therefore we, are not winning.